Saturday, December 06, 2008

Dream a little more

Look around you, look at others, your family, friends, roommates, etc.. When was the last time you looked in the mirror? Do you see yourselves battle weary? We Indians fight so much everyday. Constantly fighting in life for something that we believe is ours and will make our life a little better. By fighting i dont meen fighting literally, its just another word i use for competition. Be it for the toy that you too wanted when you were 5, The new bicycle you wanted when you were 10, The video game you looked with gleaming eyes at your neighbours place. All the things you wanted when your were a teen... the smile of your first crush. The girl or boy whom your thought would just look your way once,... ready to fight the world for it. :) or that bike that you wished you had. During our quarter lives you fight for getting the your dream partner or your love. Later maybe for getting the best out of your kids and fight for giving the best to them. Life comes a complete circle and we still keep fighting to live a little more to sleep a little more. These are 'the dreams' all of mankind has had and will keep having. Something that makes you happy. We think that these things will make us happy or comfortable or give you a much needed high in your otherwise boring life. We fight for not these material things we fight for our dreams, our aspirations...
I just gave this subject a thought after hearing a song 'Jaage hai der tak' by A R Rahman i dont know which movie soundtrack..... I think the song is beautiful and i wrote the following poem keeping that anthem in mind. Just give it a read.. (leave a feedback)

Let me sleep ma, its been a long night
All night tiill the wee hours, I've held on to fight.
Again i will remind myself to dream in my sleep,
Of the incomplete dreams, that time couldnt keep.
The midnight oil is burning in my eyes
I have been proving them but to be not lies.

The night is yet to set, let me sleep a little more.
The pain of not reaching there, my body still sore.
Those incomplete dreams that I were unable to realize
I want to gaze at them beneath my closed eyes.
Let me once more ressurrect them in my sleep.
Let the cuts of failure heal before they run deep.

Let me sleep ma, Its been a lonely night.
All night till the wee hours ive held on to fight.
fighting the fear that i indeed may loose again.
I am not going to hide my valiant fear in vain.
Beneath these closed eyes Those seeds i will sow.
Blooming those flowers swaying in the wind that blows.

My mind wants to dream of the perfect dream.
To the world however wastefull it may seem.
So Till the dawn let me dream it again tonight
Before as feared, somehow something cuts my kite.
And i run again to fetch the free kite that sways
So that atleast the fathomable memory stays.

The night is yet to set, let me sleep a little more,
Untill tommorow's dawn warms me to the core.
The sun will rise and give me the strength,
To chase my dreams till the end of my breath.
And tired or smiling however i return to my bed.
Let me sleep longer again so that the dreams never shed.
The dreams will never shed............................

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Machine That Rules Me

Today while i was traveling in the local train, i got a brainwave and a topic to write for my blog. At 6.10 pm I got into the first class compartment with my digital music player (Samsung P2) on my ear listening to the shuffle on my play list. I usually dont speak much in the local or actually i don’t actually speak at all.

So i usually keep the player volume up to shut out the small talk of fellow passengers. I started reading the latest edition of India Today and came across an article where the author of a small portion was talking about how much we are influenced by our gadgets like cell phones, Ipod's Etc. The writer spoke about how we get a real panic attack sort of thing if we are separated by our cell phone for instance, or cant google for one day ( no internet access). It said that 60% of us suffer from such machine addiction, and it made the writer wonder if this was actually the start of man and machine war, where machine may actually enslave us? I actually scoffed at the idea but just then I heard a deep voice in the local somewhere unplugging one ear I heard that one old guy or maybe 2 were singing songs on the top of their voice. It first occurred to me that maybe they are beggars. But then after a long time i saw two elderly men sitting in front of me moving their heads and bobbing their necks to their original vocal tunes. Though I had my headphone volume cranked up I was observing just their faces of happiness. One of the elderly guys was singing with so much fervor and the other quite one appeared to be complimenting him. I realized they weren’t beggars after all, but were just enjoying a Saturday monsoon evening with the train journey giving the perfect effect, with the moistened, sprinkly wind from the window blowing their half martyred grey hair. Also the view outside the train is always much better, It is all green fields and water bodies. I looked out still listening to some half baked song from some old movie, and i realized that it was many a days that i have actually admired what i look outside this window almost everyday.

I stopped the crappy song and then heard for the second time free voices of the two 'uncles'. The second one had removed a book and was almost childlike in his enthusiasm. They seemed to have no care in this world of who is getting irritated by their song, or worse how many people like me actually thought them to be beggars. Sadly local trains and singing doesn’t leave behind begging from the picture. From the corner of my eye, I saw the comaradie they both shared. I suspected that the second guy who was complimenting the enthusiastic friend was only singing and reading out because he wanted his friend to enjoy the singing and also so that he doesn’t feel embarrassed. I really smiled when i looked at this picture of friendship, comaradie, independence and carefree enjoyment.

I haven’t felt like this since i have been back in Pune for nearly a month now. I looked at my black, smooth, ' Slim and Sexy' ( thats the marketing tagline of my Samsung P2 player) and touch screen music and video belting player whom i loved to much. How I wish it would be a friend? Instead of the mistress it was transformed into my life. Blocking out the world and giving me respite by music and videos on the slightest intuitive touch.

I think I will write a poem for my P2

When I hear you singing softly into my ears,
I wish I could feel a little more loud and clear.
This wish was your command to be nice.
Me stroking your screen for the volume to rise.

You do what I say you to, You keep me entertained.
But barring the earphone cord, our relationship never strained.

But I wish you would just talk to me back
You just read an e-book, like me a paperback.
Your TTS is cool and helpful, but I want you to talk,
Like a friend beside me, you could just walk.

If I hurt you will you break, into some few pieces in the drain?
I wish you could forgive me, say sorry and sing again.

For a friend will not just make me happy,
And will give his smile and advice too.
All you give to me is a number loud and snappy.
It blocks out the worries with no solutions to.

You follow my every touch to fulfill my command.
I wish you could have squeezed back my hand.
I love you still my P2, Don’t get me wrong.
I just wish you were more than just my favorite song.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Unwashed Soul

Closing my eyes to the sun, I felt the cloud turning grey
The rain was waiting to pour, On the parched 'well' of clay
Dried it was of all the good, Dried of all the pain.
The Eyes that twinkled in laughter, Was waiting still in vain.

The drops that never fell, The thirst that never went.
The aspirations that rose, never seemed God sent.
For I was thwarted at every go, never did i feel the lie.
I took all the boxers blows, never to say die.

Then came a day i lost the things, The only thing i could boast.
The friends that went across, that bridge that never closed.
I stopped the search for those, Whose memories were enough.
I moved on to new height, too thirsty to even cough.

Then i moved on not thinking, Feelings were not for me.
I was a mechanical tin king, as passive as the tree.
The horse was on strong tether, He never broke free
I allowed relations to wither, broke all the strings to me.

I washed my face when tired, but i felt no pain
No tears touched me, thats what i though twas sane.
I started pushing people, i used them to my gain.
Using all evil i had in me, i never used to refrain.

I used to wash my hands, again and again.
I showered for eternity, manytimes a day.
I never felt clean, i never felt fresh.
I felt like a mostor, and a man possessed.

Now confused i sit, i try to think straight.
I put all the wisdom and wit, now i call it fate.
But then i realized, it was iwho let it go on.
I let the emotions bind me, stop me from moving on.

I strangled my supporters, i kicked my heart.
I used all to become, what i didnt want at all
I wanted more though i wanted some too.
Today i washed my dirty laundry, Do you also want to?

Just a creative thought.... for a not that bad guys just saw a rock on!! but somehow just got carried into writing this...i think would make a good song. :)

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Finally move on... Repost..

Hi guy's sorry have been a bit busy to update my blog..
this is a repost of my favourite and first post on my blog..
Hope you guys like it..

u woud think by now,I would know my way around,
I shouldn miss you so badly,I shuld be on familiar ground.
How many more lonely months, must meander by,
until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.
Wat Kind of iron will,must some people possess,
to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.
Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,
they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.
But im weary to give my hand again, for ----- none can match u ,
Uve always been in my heart, keepin me from starting anew,
Perhaps Im only demanding, for all the joys that once were mine,
I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.
But I know that deep within my heart,there's a place where only you reside,
and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows now dat where I hide.
So if sometimes it seems to me n my frnds, Im clinging to the past,
its mostly because I cant yet accept, that our love didn't last.
No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you,
for the part of me thats still alive, believes you love me too.
Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,
and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.
And what a splendid day that will be, when I WAKE to discover,
I'm happily learning a great new land, with a new friend and lover.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Friends in photographs

Flipping through my photographs,
I see you staring at me again,
Looking at those eyes so true,
Memories flooding from the blue.

Looking back into the past,
It seems the time flew so fast,
You were there so close to me,
So near that i couldnt see.

Talking for hours in our days,
Looking for brand new ways,
To enjoy and have some fun,
Just play dodge ball or run.

As we grew older i saw u there,
For each other we used to care,
Trying new things and fooling around,
we never knew all this was time bound.

For time would be gone someday,
When we wont meet everyday,
Where we couldnt take it for granted,
That i could be there whenever you wanted.

Then one day you left for a differnt place,
I still remember the look on your face,
Your face said a million things that day,
When we finally went different ways,

I felt your presence for a long time,
Whenever i needed a hand to climb.
I missed you that special days,
to decide whether to run or stay.

Seeing you picture in my hand,
I thought of the slipping time sand,
Realizing that far you never were,
Coz from my heart you would never blur.

This is for my childhood friends who went away so far but are still very near

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

My Last.....

The day you left, has long gone,
But it never leaves me anyway,
It comes back to me like the memories,
As if it were nothing but yesterday.

You said we were now good friends,
I agreed and made me understand,
But still clutching to the last strand,
I swum accross to the never land,

For i knew it would be not fair,
To give my friend more pain,
I gave my self the pain to bear,
I missed you like a bad bane.

When it was cold and you sipped,
I was howling with somithing amiss,
I needed to get you outta my head,
Finally i needed this feeling to end,

I smoked the memories,
I tried to hate you,
Ignore the pain,
Bleed it out of my viens,
Cursed my wet eyes,
I never managed to say good bye.

I waited for your call every single day
I waited for me to understand, atleast try,
But i still hear your laughter when i laugh,
but why cant i hear you when i cry?

Have you really gone so far away,
Have you finally hardened the clay,
Into the Heart that will never yield,
Is it your weapon or your shield?

Crying into my heart never on my cheek,
I vowed ill never shed a tear for you again,
I wont let my heart cry in vain,
I will only hide, never again seek,

Anymore not a boy, i was now a man,
And Big men dont every cry,
hey dont choke up or in the throat clam,
They are always smiling with eyes dry.

I never ever wanted to cry for you
Since that day, I needed to be strong,
I needed to know that i was all the way wrong,
I never ever had ever loved you,

Today it rained and i thought of you,
My heart felt cold again but skipped the bleat,
There was a feeling so strong, so new,
It hit me and i felt my shaking feet.

I wanted to drown myself, drain it away,
I needed to hide the feelings on my face,
Towards the door i reached in a sway,
And drenched ran out in the rain,

My face burning hot with the pain,
I looked up to the sky and saw you smiling,
"Its ok to cry" you said " i will think it is rain",
So i burst out like a cloud, that for seasons was piling.

I cried out loud, Your name i was crying,
Till my head was filled with you, bursting, burning,
I needed to hug you so i could atleast die,
Never again then i will ever have to cry, Cry for you

To hug me tight your arm then never came,
Gone with the fading cloud was all i could blame,
I clutched my fist to the sky you were there so near,
But then you dropped from my palm with my last tear,

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Why does it hurt when you feel alone
Cutting in deep straight through the bone?
Surrounded by darkness and feeling so cold
Wanting touch when theres no one to hold
Wanting to talk when theres no one to hear
Alone in the dark drowning with fear

Why does it hurt when you feel all alone
Taken from the warm feelings you once had known?
With eyes like clouds and tears like rain
Drivin inside deep is the pain
A broken heart that just won't mend
Feelin alone in the world without a friend

Why does it hurt when you feel all alone?
When you once stood in the light, the sun had shone
Hiding within the darkest despair
A feeling within thinking no one will care
Misery is the only company you got
For when you feel alone, you feel it alot