Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sailing The Sinking Ship

In the large ocean that would never end,
Sailed a large, sailing where the waves tend.
The captain and 9 sailors, forever steered.
To reach a destination, that never neared.

The captain was an intelligent lad,
But this was the first ship he had,
The deputy was new too,
But both weren’t out of the blue.

The Captain had his lady in mind,
After this journey he was to bind,
In the holy tryst of destiny,
He couldn’t get at all finicky.

The deputy was a new customer,
Didn’t know the size of his own shoe,
Treaded a bit faster, pushing too hard,
Wanting to earn some earnest regard.

The Three friends were always hung there,
They always offered to watch and steer,
But Thinny, Humty and Perfecto were bored,
Of doing cheap labor and staying up late aboard.

One funny guy name the SAM of the ship,
Happily everyone just gave him the slip
As he had the strange habit of poking his nose,
Irritating like the deck rats, outta their burrows.

The others too had to endure this way
As they had very little they could say,
The newbies in the block, just followed the Sir
Sometimes laughing out their canned anger.

But friends let me tell you what happened later,
The ship got attacked by an invisible stranger.
The captains hand-clock started spinning around.
The times were turning without a sound.

Suddenly the storm had struck the sea,
And the ship were sailing on its belly,
Twisting and turning it would just rock,
The captain and deputy were in a shock.

SAM sniggered and complained aloud,
The ship was covered with a dark cloud.
Then everyone could just hard work their way
To save themselves and keep the winds at bay.

The captain was confused the deputy was sad,
All this work had to turn so bad,
Perfecto pleaded that he wants to go home,
But all just worked, till the sun shone.

The crew then asked why they couldn’t withstand
A simple storm that was never planned,
Then it struck them that they weren’t at fault
Someone else had locked them in this vault.

The person unseen, who build the ship,
Who sold the shit, and sent us to hardship.
He didn’t know that the times can turn,
That with a small match a house can burn.

The crew of the captain and his 9 men cried,
That thug had caught us in his miss- design,
They were at sea now, what use to complain,
Why do they waste their energies crying in vain.

They collected and fought the time and tide,
They had to catch up with it, for it wont reside,
They vowed as they reached the shore that day.
They will not be a putty or someone’s clay.

The moral of the story here my friend,
On some people, you are forced to depend.
And if he is the one who sent you on this painful trip,
Pray that he will finally learn to build a ship.

Some people who have the responsibility of a whole team are sometimes just too ignorant or just arrogant and majorly just dumb. This not only leads to inevetable disasters but also a trauma like experience for the ones who are under them. I hope the guys who are the sailing this ship, can do more than just pray, but then if there is just one trader and you are his crew, May God just be with you :)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Thanking you for Everything.....

The tears have long dried, and the wrinkles still remain.
The heart that bled has healed, but the scars still remain.
Your memories are etched in stone, I'm not hiding them anymore.
Hoping that your future has all the worlds’ happiness in store.

Unlike dusty shooting star that falls from the sky
I don’t think I ever even wished you goodbye.
I hope that you get the love that never stayed with me.
I wish you are happy more than one could ever be.

I know some say, that I never moved on.
I just kept you in my heart like a throbbing thorn.
And with the numbing pain, I burry the love alive.
Then to love someone again, I did always strive.

We haven’t spoken for years, so you’d be pleased to know,
Its long since ive thought of you, I think I have finally let you go.
Ive loved again and fallen at times, I never missed you then.
But then why did i always search for you in every other person?

As you walk the altar today, id be watching you with a smile
For I want to thank you today, for many a million times.
For giving me my first love and moments that will last awhile.
Ill pray that you get all this and more, while the bells chime.

But when im old with dickering knobby knees,
Id remember the moments smiling in their gentle breeze,
That’s when I would rebuild these castles of memory.
Which were washed way in the sandy beach of our history.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The nostalagic train ride

Today I was sitting on the window seat of the train, hearing the crowd drown in my ipods sound. I didn’t even realize that the train had started to move. I felt a gentle breeze down my sweaty face, the summer being the gracious being in my fractured, tired and unfruitful day.
I was running late, returning home at horrifying timings like 9.00 pm ( the work getting stressful as ever). As the train galloped on its iron rod roads, my eyes staring at the nothings of the dark night, watching the flashes of street lights and occasional slum bulbs whizzing past my eyes.I felt my tiredness in my body and eyes; I thought how energetic and proactive I used to be. The past started whizzing in those lights passing by, and from the dark unknown rose somethings I never knew I remembered.

I didn’t know how lonely and sad It felt sitting here, it was like im some unknown face in this alien place, and im moving towards an unknown destination, almost like this is where I am the lonely tired, moody fat guy. Where are the rest of the positive moments? Have they lost?

Invariably I’m thinking when was it when I enjoyed the most? That was surely the farthest from today, my childhood, during my school days, the happy years. Was it when I reached home from school, seeing my mom waiting at the bus top to pick me up?, or when I was older and won the fancy dress as a wait lifter or when I read my first poem to the class, and it got published in the school calendar. When my teacher awarded me the first merits, or when my favorite teacher gave me a chocolate for some silly answer. All these moments made me smile and I realized that I was looking so foolish smiling in the local train at no one at something. It looks like I am some retarded, wonked guy. I looked around sheepishly to see if someone noticed, and saw that at the adjacent seat on the other side of the aisle, a young couple ( must be 30’s) smiling and laughing at each other, I involuntarily smiled at them, even seeing people in love, makes you happy, imagine being in love.

I don’t have to go there again I thought, let’s see, my first crush in school, hmm many heart aches, when you didn’t know that there was such a pain inside you, that you long for and then can’t stand. It’s like some kind of feeling that will confuse a hormonal exploding teen to feel as a Mount Fiji full of lava, morphed of arsenal and ammunition to fight the world alone. It gives you the power to feel, that you could do anything to be with her for a few moments. I enjoy remembering the fool hardy things I did for my crush. Just that she should even notice me in school and how I just wrote poems and diaries about her beauty and her smile and her weird “girls rest room- gang” friends, my anxiousness that would I ever be able to live without seeing her, searching for her frantically before classes, during lunch and after school. Just to pass by her class and using the other boys room, and risk peeping into the class. I never did anything dare devilry like writing a note and giving a sly open hello or meeting her alone, or actually gifting her something. Though I wanted to gift her myself J , as if I was some treasure she would love to have and keep in her almost as heavy school bag. But that was because I didn’t have any money on me, the times when I spoke to her got my heart racing and my through dry enough to bleed if I spoke,
I just couldn’t open my mouth. I remember I had enrolled in a play where she was also a part and I thought God has given my chance to show her what I really am ( smuggishly). But my first dialogue with her ( she was ghandijis, phoren journalist, meera ..and I was a harijan at bapus bhavan) I was a small part and was put only because I could sing and would be singing Bapus favorite bhajan vaishov vajan to. I had to tell her to join us for the bhajan, and during the first rehearsal I cracked my voice ( the developing boys voice was a factor), the second time I shouted my dialogue as if it was a seed spitting out, so fast that I was nearly thrown out by my teacher. I finally got my pride back by staring at her shoes and delivering my dialogue as if it were a shameful thing to sing the bhajan.

Later I remember how I used to almost jump with excitement, when she noticed me and smiled a friendly hello. I had weaved all kinds of king queen stories about her and me. I was an imaginative fellow then, but when it was mixed with optimism ( fired by my friends teasing me with her). I had the courage to give her all my coupons ( some 150) which I had begged my parents to buy to play in the school carnival (fete). I would have happily given my bicycle if she had just mentioned. I remember the school carnival, when me and my friends had planned to win all the GI joe action figures and actually analysed our chances of winning them as 99 of 100 and then I didn’t have a single ticket to play. My friends actually teased me by winning some whistles they won. That’s when I wanted to ask her if she cud lend me a 5 rupee coupan for a lucky dip where everyone gets a whistle or a mask.
But then I didn’t manage to and was left sitting in one corner watching everyone with jealousy, but when I saw my girl winning a big teddy on my coupons, I remember being the happiest of all times of my then and probably this nano lifetime. That’s when i understood sacrifice is love.

All these episodes are so much of innocence and some kind of love that I have lost in my life today,
Don’t know about my future, but my past will always stay there to remind me that the trains never gonna reach your destination, wake up and get down of this speeding, hurling roller coaster train and enjoy the “keeps you smiling” things in life.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My Guilty Moon

Watching the star lit sky, with the moon standing alone,
Wondering whether he realized, how much he outshone.
The tiny million stars that shine, look the other way,
But the moon doesn’t care, still rises at the end of the day.

I wonder how I could be so selfless, so giving?
How could I foresee this life, worth this living?
I look back for the day, this quarter life gone.
Realizing that I spent it, only judging right and wrong.

But somewhere I forgot the wrong I never knew.
That I would be judging it, from the only good I view.
Somewhere I would fall, forbidden then I will fail,
Like pulling out from the toe, one bleeding sharp nail.

I remember the day, I stuck that nail in my shoe.
Reminded me everyday, as if I never knew,
Thought I would please someone I care,
For those bleeding tears I couldn’t ever bare.

I knew I would have to limp the whole way,
I would have to trudge till I knew my way.
But I was selfish unlike that damn goody moon,
I mistook the fireflies to be the mighty noon.

I blundered; I regretted then looked to the sky.
I screamed at the mountains to crush me to die.
I stared at the deepest ocean, and the highest tree,
But I couldn’t find the void that could fill, filthy me.

I then looked again to the sky, the night moon that shines.
The moon looked at me to say, don’t love yourself for it blinds.
Stay selfless and pity none, just pray for being the chose one.
For one day you will be a star, and then you will not have to run.

I’m waiting for the day, the day I would be set free.
Free from the pain, I can no longer feel.
For the nail, is hammered deep in my heart.
But now I know, I was chosen for this part.