Feeling for you.....

Blinded by this darkness of my life,
Like the grey covering, the sky so clear,
Like the clouds that the sun can’t drive,
I’m stumbling my way here, in cold fear.

Wishing you were here to break my fall,
Wish you were here, without my call,
I need to know that you are still there,
That you understand and really care.

Wish you hadn’t walked away,
Though I was a jerk every other day.
I know I was wrong in letting you go,
It would be so hard, I didn’t ever know.

I wish you could just look back at the times,
And remember me and smile sometimes,
Like I do, thinking of you in whatever I do
I swear this by God, this feeling was so true.

Wish you would just pick up the phone,
And not shut it hearing the stupid dialer tone.
For that’s where, I always hesitate and shut.
Not knowing whether the shackles are uncut

Blinded by this darkness, im crawling ahead
Hitting the wall, and falling on my head.
Bleeding and battered im finding my way through,
But all this while im just feeling for you.

Sometimes you make mistakes and go away from your close friends..blinded by your own ambitions, lifestyles, goals and most of the time ur self ego. When you realize the person you loved is not longer there becoz of ur petty fights..and its dark times again and ur crashed down to the earth...u see that its so dark without a hand to guide you through this..and you are left feeling for a hand to guide you through the times..you can pick up ur phone coz u cant say sorry..ur just there waiting for a hand to guide your through the darkness...

Set me Free…..

Wish I could cry, in your arms someday.
But then I wish I could simply quit to try,
I have this disease growing in me,
Parasitic, clutching, its hard to let free.

I wish I could sleep, I wish I could dream
You appear in my mind, as soon as I sleep.
Waking with a jolt, and sighing in relief.
Wish you’d leave me to die in my grief.

Wish I could just forget those times,
Wish I could just erase those rhymes.
I suffer from amnesia of a rare kind,
My happiness gets just too hard to find.

I wish I could just meet you some day,
Before I sleep for a final time,
And then I could ask you forgiveness again,
For I cant escape, the ghastly crime.

But then I wish, I could live again,
Rise from the ashes, like the phoenix does.
And then I forget this stinging pain.
Cleansing my soul, free from all the stain.

I Could have changed a lot of ways,
I could have skipped a lot of days,
I will try to reshape them someday,
Mould them again in time’s clay.

I Wish I could sleep again peacefully,
Without your swollen eyes staring at me.
I wish you would dream again truly,
And then just lift the door and set me free

You are sometimes trapped in a cage of your bad decisions..and conflicts.. its so bad that it haunts you.. the hurt that you caused to a person that you love, is sometimes so overpowering on you when you realize you were wrong and cant undo the damage done on everyone..you, your neighbors, friends, the person you hurt my heal and move..but the guilt that remains in ur mind can sometimes eat your soul. The best thing to do is to ask for forgiveness and learn from your mistakes.

Sailing The Sinking Ship

In the large ocean that would never end,
Sailed a large, sailing where the waves tend.
The captain and 9 sailors, forever steered.
To reach a destination, that never neared.

The captain was an intelligent lad,
But this was the first ship he had,
The deputy was new too,
But both weren’t out of the blue.

The Captain had his lady in mind,
After this journey he was to bind,
In the holy tryst of destiny,
He couldn’t get at all finicky.

The deputy was a new customer,
Didn’t know the size of his own shoe,
Treaded a bit faster, pushing too hard,
Wanting to earn some earnest regard.

The Three friends were always hung there,
They always offered to watch and steer,
But Thinny, Humty and Perfecto were bored,
Of doing cheap labor and staying up late aboard.

One funny guy name the SAM of the ship,
Happily everyone just gave him the slip
As he had the strange habit of poking his nose,
Irritating like the deck rats, outta their burrows.

The others too had to endure this way
As they had very little they could say,
The newbies in the block, just followed the Sir
Sometimes laughing out their canned anger.

But friends let me tell you what happened later,
The ship got attacked by an invisible stranger.
The captains hand-clock started spinning around.
The times were turning without a sound.

Suddenly the storm had struck the sea,
And the ship were sailing on its belly,
Twisting and turning it would just rock,
The captain and deputy were in a shock.

SAM sniggered and complained aloud,
The ship was covered with a dark cloud.
Then everyone could just hard work their way
To save themselves and keep the winds at bay.

The captain was confused the deputy was sad,
All this work had to turn so bad,
Perfecto pleaded that he wants to go home,
But all just worked, till the sun shone.

The crew then asked why they couldn’t withstand
A simple storm that was never planned,
Then it struck them that they weren’t at fault
Someone else had locked them in this vault.

The person unseen, who build the ship,
Who sold the shit, and sent us to hardship.
He didn’t know that the times can turn,
That with a small match a house can burn.

The crew of the captain and his 9 men cried,
That thug had caught us in his miss- design,
They were at sea now, what use to complain,
Why do they waste their energies crying in vain.

They collected and fought the time and tide,
They had to catch up with it, for it wont reside,
They vowed as they reached the shore that day.
They will not be a putty or someone’s clay.

The moral of the story here my friend,
On some people, you are forced to depend.
And if he is the one who sent you on this painful trip,
Pray that he will finally learn to build a ship.

Some people who have the responsibility of a whole team are sometimes just too ignorant or just arrogant and majorly just dumb. This not only leads to inevetable disasters but also a trauma like experience for the ones who are under them. I hope the guys who are the sailing this ship, can do more than just pray, but then if there is just one trader and you are his crew, May God just be with you :)

Thanking you for Everything.....

The tears have long dried, and the wrinkles still remain.
The heart that bled has healed, but the scars still remain.
Your memories are etched in stone, I'm not hiding them anymore.
Hoping that your future has all the worlds’ happiness in store.

Unlike dusty shooting star that falls from the sky
I don’t think I ever even wished you goodbye.
I hope that you get the love that never stayed with me.
I wish you are happy more than one could ever be.

I know some say, that I never moved on.
I just kept you in my heart like a throbbing thorn.
And with the numbing pain, I burry the love alive.
Then to love someone again, I did always strive.

We haven’t spoken for years, so you’d be pleased to know,
Its long since ive thought of you, I think I have finally let you go.
Ive loved again and fallen at times, I never missed you then.
But then why did i always search for you in every other person?

As you walk the altar today, id be watching you with a smile
For I want to thank you today, for many a million times.
For giving me my first love and moments that will last awhile.
Ill pray that you get all this and more, while the bells chime.

But when im old with dickering knobby knees,
Id remember the moments smiling in their gentle breeze,
That’s when I would rebuild these castles of memory.
Which were washed way in the sandy beach of our history.

The nostalagic train ride

Today I was sitting on the window seat of the train, hearing the crowd drown in my ipods sound. I didn’t even realize that the train had started to move. I felt a gentle breeze down my sweaty face, the summer being the gracious being in my fractured, tired and unfruitful day.
I was running late, returning home at horrifying timings like 9.00 pm ( the work getting stressful as ever). As the train galloped on its iron rod roads, my eyes staring at the nothings of the dark night, watching the flashes of street lights and occasional slum bulbs whizzing past my eyes.I felt my tiredness in my body and eyes; I thought how energetic and proactive I used to be. The past started whizzing in those lights passing by, and from the dark unknown rose somethings I never knew I remembered.

I didn’t know how lonely and sad It felt sitting here, it was like im some unknown face in this alien place, and im moving towards an unknown destination, almost like this is where I am the lonely tired, moody fat guy. Where are the rest of the positive moments? Have they lost?

Invariably I’m thinking when was it when I enjoyed the most? That was surely the farthest from today, my childhood, during my school days, the happy years. Was it when I reached home from school, seeing my mom waiting at the bus top to pick me up?, or when I was older and won the fancy dress as a wait lifter or when I read my first poem to the class, and it got published in the school calendar. When my teacher awarded me the first merits, or when my favorite teacher gave me a chocolate for some silly answer. All these moments made me smile and I realized that I was looking so foolish smiling in the local train at no one at something. It looks like I am some retarded, wonked guy. I looked around sheepishly to see if someone noticed, and saw that at the adjacent seat on the other side of the aisle, a young couple ( must be 30’s) smiling and laughing at each other, I involuntarily smiled at them, even seeing people in love, makes you happy, imagine being in love.

I don’t have to go there again I thought, let’s see, my first crush in school, hmm many heart aches, when you didn’t know that there was such a pain inside you, that you long for and then can’t stand. It’s like some kind of feeling that will confuse a hormonal exploding teen to feel as a Mount Fiji full of lava, morphed of arsenal and ammunition to fight the world alone. It gives you the power to feel, that you could do anything to be with her for a few moments. I enjoy remembering the fool hardy things I did for my crush. Just that she should even notice me in school and how I just wrote poems and diaries about her beauty and her smile and her weird “girls rest room- gang” friends, my anxiousness that would I ever be able to live without seeing her, searching for her frantically before classes, during lunch and after school. Just to pass by her class and using the other boys room, and risk peeping into the class. I never did anything dare devilry like writing a note and giving a sly open hello or meeting her alone, or actually gifting her something. Though I wanted to gift her myself J , as if I was some treasure she would love to have and keep in her almost as heavy school bag. But that was because I didn’t have any money on me, the times when I spoke to her got my heart racing and my through dry enough to bleed if I spoke,
I just couldn’t open my mouth. I remember I had enrolled in a play where she was also a part and I thought God has given my chance to show her what I really am ( smuggishly). But my first dialogue with her ( she was ghandijis, phoren journalist, meera ..and I was a harijan at bapus bhavan) I was a small part and was put only because I could sing and would be singing Bapus favorite bhajan vaishov vajan to. I had to tell her to join us for the bhajan, and during the first rehearsal I cracked my voice ( the developing boys voice was a factor), the second time I shouted my dialogue as if it was a seed spitting out, so fast that I was nearly thrown out by my teacher. I finally got my pride back by staring at her shoes and delivering my dialogue as if it were a shameful thing to sing the bhajan.

Later I remember how I used to almost jump with excitement, when she noticed me and smiled a friendly hello. I had weaved all kinds of king queen stories about her and me. I was an imaginative fellow then, but when it was mixed with optimism ( fired by my friends teasing me with her). I had the courage to give her all my coupons ( some 150) which I had begged my parents to buy to play in the school carnival (fete). I would have happily given my bicycle if she had just mentioned. I remember the school carnival, when me and my friends had planned to win all the GI joe action figures and actually analysed our chances of winning them as 99 of 100 and then I didn’t have a single ticket to play. My friends actually teased me by winning some whistles they won. That’s when I wanted to ask her if she cud lend me a 5 rupee coupan for a lucky dip where everyone gets a whistle or a mask.
But then I didn’t manage to and was left sitting in one corner watching everyone with jealousy, but when I saw my girl winning a big teddy on my coupons, I remember being the happiest of all times of my then and probably this nano lifetime. That’s when i understood sacrifice is love.

All these episodes are so much of innocence and some kind of love that I have lost in my life today,
Don’t know about my future, but my past will always stay there to remind me that the trains never gonna reach your destination, wake up and get down of this speeding, hurling roller coaster train and enjoy the “keeps you smiling” things in life.

My Guilty Moon

Watching the star lit sky, with the moon standing alone,
Wondering whether he realized, how much he outshone.
The tiny million stars that shine, look the other way,
But the moon doesn’t care, still rises at the end of the day.

I wonder how I could be so selfless, so giving?
How could I foresee this life, worth this living?
I look back for the day, this quarter life gone.
Realizing that I spent it, only judging right and wrong.

But somewhere I forgot the wrong I never knew.
That I would be judging it, from the only good I view.
Somewhere I would fall, forbidden then I will fail,
Like pulling out from the toe, one bleeding sharp nail.

I remember the day, I stuck that nail in my shoe.
Reminded me everyday, as if I never knew,
Thought I would please someone I care,
For those bleeding tears I couldn’t ever bare.

I knew I would have to limp the whole way,
I would have to trudge till I knew my way.
But I was selfish unlike that damn goody moon,
I mistook the fireflies to be the mighty noon.

I blundered; I regretted then looked to the sky.
I screamed at the mountains to crush me to die.
I stared at the deepest ocean, and the highest tree,
But I couldn’t find the void that could fill, filthy me.

I then looked again to the sky, the night moon that shines.
The moon looked at me to say, don’t love yourself for it blinds.
Stay selfless and pity none, just pray for being the chose one.
For one day you will be a star, and then you will not have to run.

I’m waiting for the day, the day I would be set free.
Free from the pain, I can no longer feel.
For the nail, is hammered deep in my heart.
But now I know, I was chosen for this part.

Political Drama

Political Drama!!!!
Thats the buzz around these days..What does one make of it. Especially a guy who is gonna vote for the first time even though he turned eighteen half a decade back. Hmm.. I love to discuss politics, makes me look cool and knowledgable. Having an opinion about how you want your future to be is a concept concieved as the smallest embryo in the womb of the political seed of india, also called as the great democracy. I remember the constituency of India with its famous 4 pillars of Ambedkar. I dont remember them now, but one does get a wee bit confused when you picture the 9.00 pm news on DD1 you used to watch with Dad to just feel like an adult, where they flashed a picture of the parliament with its many pillars, all white in splendid beauty. In some sense like the Taj Mahal, the white marbeled symbol of love, only this time it was the symbol of democracy.

Democracy was an idelistic word for me then, the cliched phrase "India is the worlds BIGGEST Democracy". As a kid i remember my pride, my patriotism, my love for my country. I still feel the same when i sing the National Anthem when i go to watch a movie at a multiplex. Only to hear someone so hieneously mispronounce and murder the anthem's sentimental lyrics. But i dont blame them, its not even in the national language, its Sanskrit, I havent learnt sanskrit in this quater life of mine. I bet 90% of India doesnt know what they are saying when they sing the Anthem.

Deviating back to the many pillars of Democracratic Parliamet that i now understand, are not the same like the Taj Mahals, Char Minars. I think the four pillars of poor Ambedkar's Consitution is lost somewhere. All i can see is the many pillars of Corruption, Taxation, Communalism, Extremism, Psuedo Secularism, Gandhis walking stick, Sardars blood stained Stick and many more.

I have opinions about parties, I have debates about their Ideologies, I believe some, I get influenced by some, But there is not a single party that has captured my imagination of India, as she is in my mind, and im sure of many my age. We are a developing nation and need all the support and planning necessary to tackle its multifold problems. Problems that are staring on our face and we chose to ignore it. Everyone is dividing the voters and making them blinded with faith or emotion. The plan that has been common for all the parties participating ( and that a big plus) that they all believe in the Divide and Rule policy. All of them are banking on numbers, Numbers from Vote banks, Its a number game that even the smartest CA of our country cant solve. Its a great study of logistics, surveyance, emotions, religion, region, language and all these factors. Factor all these together in an impossible formula and you will be uncoding the unfathamable answer to winning an election in India.

Why cant elections be on the future of india than the past? Why does it have to be about dividing people than to unite?

I hope one day the future generation of my homeland will be able to vote for everything i cant today.
Do cast your vote.

The Brave Conquer.....

At peace with life, They walked,
All the roads, that were marked,
Chosing not to enter the woods,
Aware of the army in hoods,

Hiding in the woods were they,
Crouching with their daggers at bay,
On the path they wanted me to stay,
To sleep at night, to walk in the day.

Then one night when all were asleep,
The dark knights, out they creep,
The go ahead and block the road,
Leaving the morning dark and cold,

Then suddenly the sun never shone,
They had captured the golden throne,
All the earned Gold turned to stone,
They Weak turned to skin and bone.

The People were hungry they were torn,
They were beaten and were red and sore.
All was gone, there was no hope,
The road was blocked, who could cope?

Days of drudgery passed by,
Sounds of wails filled the sky.
The Brave but cared not to cry.
They were to battle and instead die.

The Brave and Valiant ventured,
When the wails turned to snore’s
The stuck their foot into the closing door.
Not know what was in store.

They Ventured and saw a Hooded figure,
They were shaking with a sly snigger,
Then the brave, pierced a spear,
Picked the hood to see what’s there.

Underneath what was, shocked them,
They were Foxes, with sly smiles,
Unlike dogs, unfaithful in guile.
They were chased for a hundred mile.

Fear of the unknown is what’s there,
Unhood the fear and then what’s the care,
The enemy will be stripped and bare.
But only for those who will venture and dare.

The sun will rise again when its gone,
They may be foxes, snakes or hogs,
Those who venture, will alone gain,
Others will hide and scare in vane.

So said the monk, who sat on the peak,
Luck favors those who will seek,
You can cross the river, ocean or creek,
But only to those who are not meek.

May Lost Angels

I wanted to go there, I wanted to step there,
I wanted everything now, everything that’s everywhere.
I took some from my wallet, some from my Dad
When that was not enough I took some from whoever had.

I greed my self to utter loathe and despair.
Others would just open their mouth and stare.
Then I lost one from my pocket, one from the jacket.
One from the bag and then I still bragged.

I Knew I was loosing them, I chose to ignore.
I kept losing one more, until there were no more.
And when time came to count them all,
I learnt that I had not earned them at all.

They were more than material someone said.
They are more than your daily bread.
They are what God gives you for your good deeds.
They are equal to family and come in need.

They catch you when you fall,
They pick you when you drop,
They push you when you stop,
The lift you when you, crawl.

They are earned not bought,
Earning nothing, I lost Everything else.
Couldn’t keep them safe, till the end.
They are my angels, They were my friends.

There are times when you realize that someone you had taken for granted has left you, and is long gone, someone you were close, and then you recount you blessings, and then you find you have lost them, as time passed and you changed...this poem is for those moments...i wish no one goes through this...its as painful as you could ever imagine....

Dream a little more

Look around you, look at others, your family, friends, roommates, etc.. When was the last time you looked in the mirror? Do you see yourselves battle weary? We Indians fight so much everyday. Constantly fighting in life for something that we believe is ours and will make our life a little better. By fighting i dont meen fighting literally, its just another word i use for competition. Be it for the toy that you too wanted when you were 5, The new bicycle you wanted when you were 10, The video game you looked with gleaming eyes at your neighbours place. All the things you wanted when your were a teen... the smile of your first crush. The girl or boy whom your thought would just look your way once,... ready to fight the world for it. :) or that bike that you wished you had. During our quarter lives you fight for getting the your dream partner or your love. Later maybe for getting the best out of your kids and fight for giving the best to them. Life comes a complete circle and we still keep fighting to live a little more to sleep a little more. These are 'the dreams' all of mankind has had and will keep having. Something that makes you happy. We think that these things will make us happy or comfortable or give you a much needed high in your otherwise boring life. We fight for not these material things we fight for our dreams, our aspirations...
I just gave this subject a thought after hearing a song 'Jaage hai der tak' by A R Rahman i dont know which movie soundtrack..... I think the song is beautiful and i wrote the following poem keeping that anthem in mind. Just give it a read.. (leave a feedback)


Let me sleep ma, its been a long night
All night tiill the wee hours, I've held on to fight.
Again i will remind myself to dream in my sleep,
Of the incomplete dreams, that time couldnt keep.
The midnight oil is burning in my eyes
I have been proving them but to be not lies.

The night is yet to set, let me sleep a little more.
The pain of not reaching there, my body still sore.
Those incomplete dreams that I were unable to realize
I want to gaze at them beneath my closed eyes.
Let me once more ressurrect them in my sleep.
Let the cuts of failure heal before they run deep.

Let me sleep ma, Its been a lonely night.
All night till the wee hours ive held on to fight.
fighting the fear that i indeed may loose again.
I am not going to hide my valiant fear in vain.
Beneath these closed eyes Those seeds i will sow.
Blooming those flowers swaying in the wind that blows.

My mind wants to dream of the perfect dream.
To the world however wastefull it may seem.
So Till the dawn let me dream it again tonight
Before as feared, somehow something cuts my kite.
And i run again to fetch the free kite that sways
So that atleast the fathomable memory stays.

The night is yet to set, let me sleep a little more,
Untill tommorow's dawn warms me to the core.
The sun will rise and give me the strength,
To chase my dreams till the end of my breath.
And tired or smiling however i return to my bed.
Let me sleep longer again so that the dreams never shed.
The dreams will never shed............................

The Machine That Rules Me

Today while i was traveling in the local train, i got a brainwave and a topic to write for my blog. At 6.10 pm I got into the first class compartment with my digital music player (Samsung P2) on my ear listening to the shuffle on my play list. I usually dont speak much in the local or actually i don’t actually speak at all.

So i usually keep the player volume up to shut out the small talk of fellow passengers. I started reading the latest edition of India Today and came across an article where the author of a small portion was talking about how much we are influenced by our gadgets like cell phones, Ipod's Etc. The writer spoke about how we get a real panic attack sort of thing if we are separated by our cell phone for instance, or cant google for one day ( no internet access). It said that 60% of us suffer from such machine addiction, and it made the writer wonder if this was actually the start of man and machine war, where machine may actually enslave us? I actually scoffed at the idea but just then I heard a deep voice in the local somewhere unplugging one ear I heard that one old guy or maybe 2 were singing songs on the top of their voice. It first occurred to me that maybe they are beggars. But then after a long time i saw two elderly men sitting in front of me moving their heads and bobbing their necks to their original vocal tunes. Though I had my headphone volume cranked up I was observing just their faces of happiness. One of the elderly guys was singing with so much fervor and the other quite one appeared to be complimenting him. I realized they weren’t beggars after all, but were just enjoying a Saturday monsoon evening with the train journey giving the perfect effect, with the moistened, sprinkly wind from the window blowing their half martyred grey hair. Also the view outside the train is always much better, It is all green fields and water bodies. I looked out still listening to some half baked song from some old movie, and i realized that it was many a days that i have actually admired what i look outside this window almost everyday.

I stopped the crappy song and then heard for the second time free voices of the two 'uncles'. The second one had removed a book and was almost childlike in his enthusiasm. They seemed to have no care in this world of who is getting irritated by their song, or worse how many people like me actually thought them to be beggars. Sadly local trains and singing doesn’t leave behind begging from the picture. From the corner of my eye, I saw the comaradie they both shared. I suspected that the second guy who was complimenting the enthusiastic friend was only singing and reading out because he wanted his friend to enjoy the singing and also so that he doesn’t feel embarrassed. I really smiled when i looked at this picture of friendship, comaradie, independence and carefree enjoyment.

I haven’t felt like this since i have been back in Pune for nearly a month now. I looked at my black, smooth, ' Slim and Sexy' ( thats the marketing tagline of my Samsung P2 player) and touch screen music and video belting player whom i loved to much. How I wish it would be a friend? Instead of the mistress it was transformed into my life. Blocking out the world and giving me respite by music and videos on the slightest intuitive touch.

I think I will write a poem for my P2

When I hear you singing softly into my ears,
I wish I could feel a little more loud and clear.
This wish was your command to be nice.
Me stroking your screen for the volume to rise.

You do what I say you to, You keep me entertained.
But barring the earphone cord, our relationship never strained.

But I wish you would just talk to me back
You just read an e-book, like me a paperback.
Your TTS is cool and helpful, but I want you to talk,
Like a friend beside me, you could just walk.


If I hurt you will you break, into some few pieces in the drain?
I wish you could forgive me, say sorry and sing again.

For a friend will not just make me happy,
And will give his smile and advice too.
All you give to me is a number loud and snappy.
It blocks out the worries with no solutions to.

You follow my every touch to fulfill my command.
I wish you could have squeezed back my hand.
I love you still my P2, Don’t get me wrong.
I just wish you were more than just my favorite song.

Unwashed Soul

Closing my eyes to the sun, I felt the cloud turning grey
The rain was waiting to pour, On the parched 'well' of clay
Dried it was of all the good, Dried of all the pain.
The Eyes that twinkled in laughter, Was waiting still in vain.


The drops that never fell, The thirst that never went.
The aspirations that rose, never seemed God sent.
For I was thwarted at every go, never did i feel the lie.
I took all the boxers blows, never to say die.


Then came a day i lost the things, The only thing i could boast.
The friends that went across, that bridge that never closed.
I stopped the search for those, Whose memories were enough.
I moved on to new height, too thirsty to even cough.


Then i moved on not thinking, Feelings were not for me.
I was a mechanical tin king, as passive as the tree.
The horse was on strong tether, He never broke free
I allowed relations to wither, broke all the strings to me.


I washed my face when tired, but i felt no pain
No tears touched me, thats what i though twas sane.
I started pushing people, i used them to my gain.
Using all evil i had in me, i never used to refrain.


I used to wash my hands, again and again.
I showered for eternity, manytimes a day.
I never felt clean, i never felt fresh.
I felt like a mostor, and a man possessed.


Now confused i sit, i try to think straight.
I put all the wisdom and wit, now i call it fate.
But then i realized, it was iwho let it go on.
I let the emotions bind me, stop me from moving on.


I strangled my supporters, i kicked my heart.
I used all to become, what i didnt want at all
I wanted more though i wanted some too.
Today i washed my dirty laundry, Do you also want to?



Just a creative thought.... for a change...im not that bad guys just saw a rock on!! but somehow just got carried into writing this...i think would make a good song. :)

Finally move on... Repost..

Hi guy's sorry have been a bit busy to update my blog..
this is a repost of my favourite and first post on my blog..
Hope you guys like it..

u woud think by now,I would know my way around,
I shouldn miss you so badly,I shuld be on familiar ground.
How many more lonely months, must meander by,
until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.
Wat Kind of iron will,must some people possess,
to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.
Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,
they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.
But im weary to give my hand again, for ----- none can match u ,
Uve always been in my heart, keepin me from starting anew,
Perhaps Im only demanding, for all the joys that once were mine,
I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.
But I know that deep within my heart,there's a place where only you reside,
and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows now dat where I hide.
So if sometimes it seems to me n my frnds, Im clinging to the past,
its mostly because I cant yet accept, that our love didn't last.
No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you,
for the part of me thats still alive, believes you love me too.
Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,
and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.
And what a splendid day that will be, when I WAKE to discover,
I'm happily learning a great new land, with a new friend and lover.

Friends in photographs

Flipping through my photographs,
I see you staring at me again,
Looking at those eyes so true,
Memories flooding from the blue.



Looking back into the past,
It seems the time flew so fast,
You were there so close to me,
So near that i couldnt see.



Talking for hours in our days,
Looking for brand new ways,
To enjoy and have some fun,
Just play dodge ball or run.



As we grew older i saw u there,
For each other we used to care,
Trying new things and fooling around,
we never knew all this was time bound.



For time would be gone someday,
When we wont meet everyday,
Where we couldnt take it for granted,
That i could be there whenever you wanted.



Then one day you left for a differnt place,
I still remember the look on your face,
Your face said a million things that day,
When we finally went different ways,



I felt your presence for a long time,
Whenever i needed a hand to climb.
I missed you that special days,
to decide whether to run or stay.



Seeing you picture in my hand,
I thought of the slipping time sand,
Realizing that far you never were,
Coz from my heart you would never blur.





This is for my childhood friends who went away so far but are still very near

My Last.....

The day you left, has long gone,
But it never leaves me anyway,
It comes back to me like the memories,
As if it were nothing but yesterday.

You said we were now good friends,
I agreed and made me understand,
But still clutching to the last strand,
I swum accross to the never land,

For i knew it would be not fair,

To give my friend more pain,

I gave my self the pain to bear,

I missed you like a bad bane.

When it was cold and you sipped,
I was howling with somithing amiss,
I needed to get you outta my head,
Finally i needed this feeling to end,

I smoked the memories,
I tried to hate you,
Ignore the pain,
Bleed it out of my viens,
Cursed my wet eyes,
I never managed to say good bye.


I waited for your call every single day
I waited for me to understand, atleast try,
But i still hear your laughter when i laugh,
but why cant i hear you when i cry?


Have you really gone so far away,
Have you finally hardened the clay,
Into the Heart that will never yield,
Is it your weapon or your shield?

Crying into my heart never on my cheek,
I vowed ill never shed a tear for you again,
I wont let my heart cry in vain,
I will only hide, never again seek,

Anymore not a boy, i was now a man,
And Big men dont every cry,
hey dont choke up or in the throat clam,
They are always smiling with eyes dry.

I never ever wanted to cry for you
Since that day, I needed to be strong,
I needed to know that i was all the way wrong,
I never ever had ever loved you,

Today it rained and i thought of you,
My heart felt cold again but skipped the bleat,
There was a feeling so strong, so new,
It hit me and i felt my shaking feet.

I wanted to drown myself, drain it away,
I needed to hide the feelings on my face,
Towards the door i reached in a sway,
And drenched ran out in the rain,

My face burning hot with the pain,
I looked up to the sky and saw you smiling,
"Its ok to cry" you said " i will think it is rain",
So i burst out like a cloud, that for seasons was piling.


I cried out loud, Your name i was crying,
Till my head was filled with you, bursting, burning,
I needed to hug you so i could atleast die,
Never again then i will ever have to cry, Cry for you

To hug me tight your arm then never came,
Gone with the fading cloud was all i could blame,
I clutched my fist to the sky you were there so near,
But then you dropped from my palm with my last tear,

IN THE COLD

Why does it hurt when you feel alone
Cutting in deep straight through the bone?
Surrounded by darkness and feeling so cold
Wanting touch when theres no one to hold
Wanting to talk when theres no one to hear
Alone in the dark drowning with fear

Why does it hurt when you feel all alone
Taken from the warm feelings you once had known?
With eyes like clouds and tears like rain
Drivin inside deep is the pain
A broken heart that just won't mend
Feelin alone in the world without a friend

Why does it hurt when you feel all alone?
When you once stood in the light, the sun had shone
Hiding within the darkest despair
A feeling within thinking no one will care
Misery is the only company you got
For when you feel alone, you feel it alot

You came -You Saw and You Stole

You saw My heart and came into my life.
Then you saw my heart when I gave to you.
You saw my heart when I shedded tears for you.
You saw my heart when the door was closed in my
face.
You saw my heart when I prayed for you and didn't
know what to do when problems came.
You saw my heart when there wasn't tears running
down my cheeks.
You saw my heart when no one was around to comfort
only you.
Now, you see my heart for the smile I wear today
on my face revealing patience, tenderness, and
and love for you.
You saw my heart, its every bit.
And now you have stolen it.

Running Away....Far

For days i wait to see the sun,
Its so cold out here alone,
Where a warm winds never blown,
Where everyone is on the run.

Where is the sweet sun shining?,
Where are the smiling faces?
Have i forgotton whats smiling?
And the time thats just running.

I dont see the stars that twinkle,
Only the many stressfull wrinkles.
What are we running behind?sweat n grime?
For love is there is just no time?

Love , care and Concern is what i crave
Where is it in this world to find.
Are women still caring and men brave.
or is it just a passe phrase for the gone time.

Wish i could see more trees than buildings
Some Humans among the machines.
Where words are said with some feelings
Where friends are treasured not green papers

Give Me Wings --the corection(Dont...)

I am flying high today, flying to the clouds
i have my dreams today,with no bounds
I am gonna fly very high,i thought one day
till the horizon touched, i wont rest in any way

Today restless i fly, with a faint direction
towards the horizon,i am tired in the reflection
i see in the sea below, that cuts the waves
the wings hit hard and the water just caves

Into my eyes i look, i see my tired self
then i look out around, not a soul at sight
i look back at the water, and my eyes red
i think back to the days, where my life has led

My goal is at sight and i wanna achieve
My self and my happiness i wanna retrieve
But where is my flock that where here with me
where have they gone, why them i cant see.

Then i realize that i left, left them far behind
or maybe each went away,tearing the wind
Thier own horizon and goal,they had to find
but then are they happy or just too blind

Alone i fly towards my horizon, and they thier own
I miss my flock, i miss my world thats flown
they must have gone, but they live on my heart
and as i look into my reflection, i find them in me

But I want to ask them,why do we fly to our horizons
when all horizons are endless and are actually the same
For when we are tired our loved ones we may not find
Together we can share our happiness love and agony
and journey to the horzon will be simple joy and kind


Note: Please read the previous post before this one....
I had to eat my words..all things have their pros and cons chose wisely
do you really wanna fly....alone

Let me FLY- give me my WINGS

Let When will i be free, When will i fly above all
when will my own realize, that im now tall
why dont u let me alone,give me a free fall
i may hurt myself,but i will rise- not crawl

expose me and let me fly ,show me my wings
the wings thats gods gift,the voice that sings
the soul that roams ,the far sea and land
the land untold awaits,it is dark yet grand.

why have i got these wings, when i cant fly
this heart here beats, the heart that cant try
It has seen love, of the ones who love me
they protect me, but when will they leave me

Leave me from thier love,for once they should
for my heart is small, but my soul is good
i need my heart to grow, Grow to my shoes
i want to hit the clouds, wanna sail the blues.

When will u understand,that i need to grow.
sometimes u need to, let ur loved ones go.
today or tommorow one day, i will be gone.
that day again in this world, i will be born

u will still be my loved ones,u will be in my heart.
just trust me forever, and let me out my way.
so that there is a path, the future has lay.
im ur part for u , ur the potter im the clay.

so shape me well today,let the clay spin
and let god take care ,let Him take me within,
In this world of God, Let me go for loves sake.
Clay then will form itself,a shape for God to make.

GOODBYE

Goodbye to you;
Thats what they all tell me to say
But I could never let you go
So many questions;
so many things
I'll never know.
yes even though your gone,
I refuse to let you go
I cant move on.
But I'm told,
I have to say goodbye
But those Words always make me wanna cry,
Cuz' I love you too much
Even though were to far away to touch,
I can still feel you
So Illl never say
Goodbye to you...

this is for u...are u there???

AN INSPIRATIONAL STORY I KNEW TOO LATE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you." "Of course I can," said the father.

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN BY SOMEONE I DONT KNOW....BUT ITS JUST REMINDING MYSLEF AND THE READERS THAT WORDS U SPEAK HURT MIGHTIER THAN THE SHARPEST KNIFE........USE UR WORDS CORRECTLY......THEY WILL NEVER COME BACK AND LEAVEA SCAR...

They hate u in the end!!!

Deeply lost inside,
My tattered mind,
Caught in a web,
Of everybody elses lies.

They say I will be there for you,
I will always be here,
When they eventually leave you somehow,
And cause you more hurt and fear.

They never really cared,
Turn their back on you,
You stopped opening up to them,
Just so you could pull through.

So you would not hurt them,
So you did not have to let them go,
But sometimes you wonder,
If this friend ship is just for show?

Cause they all hate you in the end,
For reasons you can not believe,
They say things that are not true,
And you can not take in the words you receive.

You end up getting hurt,
And wonder how it went wrong,
They lay the blame on you,
And you no longer feel strong.

You try to fix things with them,
But they just push you away,
They do not wanna know,
They do not wanna hear the words you say.

So if your gonna be True friends,
And say that you are both Forever,
Think before you say it,
Cause true friends never stay together.



this poem is dedicated to my friends who i will never forget...for the good times....but who just moved on....or hated me

Are u Still There

I dont sleep at nights
for nights afew.
i think Ive figured out why
Because these thoughts of you
they sumtimes make me cry

I lay wide awakeand ponder so long
I hope this is just a phase
may be im still strong
Because Ive fallen for you
and care for you Oh! so dearly
That everything has becomes blurry
and cant see things clearly

And when I'm sometimes with you
I feel Iam on cloud seven
u know it makes me believe that
really there is a place-heaven

When we used to hang out
and my world was such bliss
I loved the pure experience
it was ecstatic without that kiss

But you are now in love
i hear with some other guy
So Ill just wait waiting here
and watch the days pass by

but one day I hoped to tell you
how I truly feel
Because this was becoming
amzingly so real

But I was afraid i cudnt forsee
what you might do
wud u Abandon me
like everyone else used to

But maybe your different
and wouldn't do that to meI
just dont see how that is
just how could that be

You've always told me that
you'll always be there
Are you faking it
or do you truly care?

Let me take ur pain away

Things have gotten bad for you,
You're falling once again,
Will you let me catch you?
Like I have those many times when.

I really care for you,
And I don't wanna see you fall,
I'm crying here for you,
Hoping to hear your every call.

You need me to listen,
And you know you have my hear,
You cry on my shoulder,
I'll dry your every tear.


You know I'm here for you,
I told you and still do,
I wish I could make it better,
But I can only help you through.

I know you're unhappy,
I can sense your killing pain,
I can feel your heart breaking,
See those tear stains.

I long to make it better,
But I can't steal it away,
I wanna hold you close to me,
Hoping you will be ok.

You're so close to letting me go,
Almost did yesterday night,
And I would have went with you,
If we had have lost our difficult fight.

I feel I need you,
But you need me more,
I'm here right beside you,
Just like I was before.

So when you need me sweetheart,
Just remember I'm always there,
Because sweetheart I love you,
And I really do care.


this poem was written be me when one of my best friend was in a crisis and i wasnt close to her for my own weaknesess....ill remember writing this poem for it was a difficult time for me. but it isnt exactly written for my friend but for myself

written for u!!!

Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss,
If you're my friend please answer this.
Are we friends or are we not?
You told me once but I forgot.
So tell me now & tell me true,
So I can say I'm here for you.
Of all the friends I ever met,
You're the one I won't forget.
And if I die before you do,
I'll go to heaven & wait for you.
I'll give the angels back their wings,
And risk the loss of everything.
Because there isn't a thing I wouldn't do,
To have a friend just like you!!!

what is a friend

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears.
But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.


I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.But I can be there now when you need me to care.


I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.


Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.


Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,and help you when you ask.


I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.


I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,room to be yourself.


I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the piecesand put them back in place.


I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

" WHEN I FINALLY MOVE ON"

u woud think by now,I would know my way around,

I shouldn miss you so badly,I shuld be on familiar ground.

How many more lonely months, must meander by,

until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.

Wat Kind of iron will,must some people possess,

to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.

Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,

they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.

But im weary to give my hand again, for ----- none can match u ,

Uve always been in my heart, keepin me from starting anew,

Perhaps Im only demanding, for all the joys that once were mine,

I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.

But I know that deep within my heart,there's a place where only you reside,

and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows now dat where I hide.

So if sometimes it seems to me n my frnds, Im clinging to the past,

its mostly because I cant yet accept, that our love didn't last.

No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you,

for the part of me thats still alive, believes you love me too.

Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,

and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.

And what a splendid day that will be, when I WAKE to discover,

I'm happily learning a great new land, with a new friend and lover.